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IELTS, Task2

Question: Development in technology has brought various environmental problems. Some believe that people need to live simpler lives to solve it. Others, however, believe that technology is the way to solve these problems. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

[View1= Live simpler. View2= Use more techno.]

[P1 = ] It is true that recent advances in technology could create numerous environmental issues. As a result, some environmentalists suggest that people should change the way they live [and live ] as simple as possible to help reduce this. In my opinion, I believe that technology can be applied in various means to safeguard the environment. [You seem to support V2. Whatever V you support is fine. Just state your stand clearly.]

[P2 = ] There are many reasons why many prefer to live in non- luxurious lives in order to reduce environmental problems. Firstly, driving cars inevitably produce toxic fumes which cause air pollution. If people walk instead of using cars, particularly for short distance travel to town, this will save fuels as well as reduce carbon dioxide emissions into the atmosphere. Secondly, modern day lifestyle is full of comfort and convenience with availability of various domestic appliances and household electronics. Some green thinkers advice to live a life without these facilities as this would reduce energy consumption which further save[s] the world's limited natural resources. My view is that cars and domestic appliances are not for luxury as they are basic facilities to ensure a good quality of life.

[P3 = ] Despite [the] above arguments, I believe that  technology can also be applied in several means to tackle the environmental damage. One effective solution would be the development of recycling technology. By this means, old glasses, metal and plastic products are being transformed into new forms, which prevent illegal dumping of waste and contamination of safe water supply. Another possible solution would be the latest development in renewable energy farms. For example, use of solar panels and other methods of renewable energy production which protect natural resources to be depleted in a long run.

[P4 = ]  In conclusion, although some people think a simple living in order to reduce environmental impacts caused by using modern technology, I strongly believe that application of these new technologies can certainly safeguard our planet.

[P2 = home technos; P3= recycle+ solar etc. Analyzed this this way, seen this way, you will agree that the easiest, safest way to increase your score is to have more ideas. What about pollution at land, in sea, in air? noise? Their teach solutions. ]  

[Open intro more strongly, firmly. Finish even stronger.]

[Thank you. I'm just to busy right now. I am writing code to answer such question automatically ;-) ]

How We Provide Feedback at EssayKKN --- 3

IELTS/ Academic

"Technology"  Development in technology has brought various environmental problems. Some believe that people need to live simpler lives to solve it. Others, however, believe that technology is the way to solve these problems. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

It is undeniable that technology is responsible for damaging the environment in several ways. Although some people think that the best way to address these issues is to live as simple as possible, I believe that breakthrough technology itself can solve these problems. [V1 and V2, you support V2.]

On the one hand, some people argue that the only way to tackle technology-induced environmental problems is by removing the causes of these problems. The main reason is that factories and vehicles produce emissions and exhaust fumes which contribute to global warming. In addition, people are using several kinds of labour-saving devices which consume too much electricity generated from burning fossil fuels. They also point out that  manufacturing technology creates large amount of waste, and throwing away of broken or unwanted electronic devices is also a big issue because most of them contain hazardous materials like lead and mercury which can contaminate land, water and even food chain. Therefore, they think that the most effective solution would be living simply not by producing and using any technology.[ not-so-simple life styles -> production -> wastes -> env problems. So shall we uproot the root cause? Life style as the root of all env evils?]

Nevertheless, I believe that new technology would be the best way to address these environmental problems. Firstly, technology helps us develop and produce new materials and devices that are sustainable and do not harm the environment. For example, introducing electric cars or solar cars would be the most effective way to solve air pollution caused by carbon emission. Secondly, production of electricity from renewable energy resources such as solar, wind, nuclear energy and invention of energy efficient devices could be a solution to save natural resources which are running out in the near future. Finally, using appropriate recycling method and technology to dispose electronic wastes could solve the land pollution problem. [1. new materials and devices 2. new energy 3. recycle. Very good.]

In conclusion, I believe that it is simply unrealistic to get back to the old paths because it can have an extremely negative impact on our living standards. In my opinion, new technologies can help reduce environmental problems caused by technological advances. [You go back to your support of V2. Good, a clear finish.]

[I am happy with your essay. you 'll do well in IELTS. You get about 7.1 band if I am the grader.]
[No problem, so, no solution. Only 2 ways to improve.]

First, have more ideas and compressed them. Say, now you pack 4 suits (1 cause-effect chain in Para2 and 3 way-outs in Para3 ) in 1 suitcase. What if you pack 20 suits instead? Try, the quality will shoot up.

Second, up your style. 1, weed out filler and weak connectives. 2, use more active, energetic verbs, more descriptive, vivid nouns and adjectives.

I will not rewrite this essay b/c it is enough. But next time, I am going to press you on these 2 points: compressed content and vigorous, compact style.
Thank you.

(323)

IELTS Task 2
 Q: improvement in health, education and trade are essential for the development of poorer nations. However, the governments of the richer nations should take more responsibility for helping the poorer nations in such areas.

To what extent do you agree or disagree.

[question analysis == 

health+education + trade for poorer nations.

richer nations take more responsibility]

[ Ideas that crop up in mind right away (1) What about self-help? (2) No saint. Win-win only will be sustainable.]

It is undeniable that public services such as healthcare, quality education and business opportunities are important for poor countries to develop in many aspects. While I agree that wealthier States should contribute more to support those areas, I also believe that individual country should take several steps to improve their essential services to citizens.

There are many reasons why I think the rich nations should provide a greater level of support to the countries in need. Firstly, these economically strong nations possess technological advances and human resources to help establish infrastructure. For example, new town plans and road networks could be established in order to provide consumers' demand and free flow of goods within the area. Secondly, there are many trained professionals and experts who could advise and  lead the educational institutions in developing countries. Finally, support money and grants and international investment from richer part of the world can be used in areas to improve literacy rate and unemployment which are common problems facing third world nations.

[It is in their self-interest to help poorer nations. They should do it as a form of investment. ]

Nevertheless, I disagree with the view that poor nations could expect long term comprehensive support from richer nations. Because there are many ways these disadvantaged countries could strive for on their own instead of waiting for more international aids. One effective means is to maintain law and order within the country. By this mean, local and international businesses would find a way to succeed. If there is no political stability, there would be no investment from multinational companies which would fail to create jobs for local people. Another possible means is to open foreign policy as fair and flexible as possible which is highly essential for further establishment of global trade.

[Even in the very high-tech Silicon Valley, companies do not die or live by technology, not by knowledge, not by assets and resources, not by wit and strategy. "Culture eats strategy for lunch," everyone agrees. The same goes for countries. A country where law and order reigns, where justice is served and shown to have been served, where love and self-respect work hand in hand, where dreams materialize in one's life time ... shall not live poor for long whether anyone helps her or not.  So it is in rich countries' self-interest to help such a country. It will go with or without their help! ] 

In conclusion, the richer countries should provide various types of aids to the poor, however, the government of poorer nations also have responsibility to welcome[use] these upcoming international aids [effectively].

How We Provide Feedback at EssayKKN --- 2

"University"

University students tend to focus on one specialist subject. However, some people think that universities should encourage students a range of other subjects in addition to the specialist one.

To what extent do you agree or disagree with this?

It is sometimes argued that universities should offer a variety of additional subjects to their students rather than providing an academic excellence in one major subject. I completely agree with this view for the following reasons.

The main reason why I think students should learn multidisciplinary areas on top of their main course is that this would certainly broaden their study skills and the scope of knowledge in many ways. Firstly, learning can sometimes be boring if a student focus solely on a same core subject on a daily basis. This may undoubtedly reduce motivation and cause many distractions and unexpected failures in their course works. Secondly, basic concepts of some subjects are interconnected and this could facilitate better understanding and in depth analysis of main courses they are majoring in. Finally, the more the students learn, the greater the concentration and attention to details which could further enrich a student's ability to perform well at actual examinations. 

The other possible reason for studying other subjects along with the main university specialist subject is to improve employability in this modern competitive world. There are many graduates who [are quite hard to] cannot find suitable graduate jobs in recent years. Nowadays, many employers are looking for not only essential criteria but also for desirable qualifications in a job applicant. For example, a graduate in psychology who have additional qualifications in working with young children or special needs is more likely to secure a job than others who only have degree in psychology. That is why, I am not convinced that universities should allow their students to concentrate only on the main specialist subject of choice.

In conclusion, although some university students dedicate to their main specialties, I agree with the idea that tertiary education system should allow students to fulfil their career opportunities  through various additional courses in parallel to specialist subjects.

[Students with a plan/outline also change their minds. But then it means new ideas are better , stronger that the ideas in their original plan. So it's important to have a plan first. Then we can ignore it profitably. ]

[Next time, please also include your outline, eg.

1. broaden study skills and scope of knowledge
2. interconnected and depth
3. exam performance
4. better chance to get jobs

... ]

Thank you.

IELTS/Academic
"Competing for the same job" Nowadays, more and more older people are competing with younger people for the same jobs. What problems are caused by this situation and what are the solutions?

In recent years, elderly people are increasingly likely to compete with younger generations in the job market. This trend could cause some negative consequences, but there are steps to mitigate these problems by the government and employers. [Here, you should outline the problems and the solutions.]

As both older and younger people are trying for the same post in the work place, several related problems can be anticipated [What are they? This is the Body, no intro, just go straight.]. The serious problem is that there would undoubtedly be increasing unemployment rate and its consequences [This is not a zero-sum game. We can expand the pie for all, both young and old alike. Number of jobs is not fixed. This number is limited ONLY by a society's imagination and drive.]. Some employers might prefer to employ people who are well experienced and who have good decision making and problem solving skills, and there is no doubt that younger people are less likely to get the jobs in such workplaces. In other workplaces, managers do not want to employ elderly people who have lack of modern technological knowledge, which is vital for today’s job market. [Old folks have their own advantages and so do young folks. Employers who have fixed preferences are dumb!!! Just yesterday, I read Warren Buffet: "It is hard to teach old tricks to young dogs" etc.]Consequently, there would be growing age discrimination in the work place which is unfair and also against equal rights.
 Nevertheless, there are potential ways to tackle such problems. Firstly, government should create greater job opportunities for the public. If there were many employment opportunities, people would not definitely need to compete for the jobs. [Job creation is not only the government's duty.] Secondly, government should force employers not to discriminate people according to their age because every body should have access to same employment opportunity. Finally, employers should create appropriate and necessary training opportunities for employees of any age, so that they can have the skills they need for the work place. [Only 3 solutions!??? Entrepreneurship? ]

In conclusion, various measures can be taken to solve the problems that are certain to arise due to increasing competition between older and younger generations in the work force.

(271 words)

When I advised you yesterday, I hadn't read this book. Read very short summaries here on this site.

How We Provide Feedback at EssayKKN --- 1

"Writing Task 2 Some people believe that government should subsidies on fruit and vegetable to make healthy food cheaper. Others think that government should tax unhealthy food. Discuss both views and give your opinion."

[You are improving, great . Now I share with you the Pre-Writing Thinking Technique No . 1. ]

[The question is to choose between A and B.

A= encourage good so that it becomes easier/cheaper for people to do good.

B= punish bad so that it becomes tougher/costlier for people to do bad.

This is mankind's eternal dilemma! So, some wise guy/lady somewhere must have thought this through already. Let's be lazy and pick their brains. ]

[Usually this happens in religions. ]

[And this is not like killing. Every religion says, if you kill other humans, you will be punished this way or that. Here the person concerned is hurting themselves. What have religions said about such self-destructive behaviours, and self-nurturing behaviours? Say, having self-discipline?

How will my God/Goddess reward me if I try to keep promises to myself? How will they reward me if I keep failing is this aspect?]

[And this is about food and health. What have you read about this stuff in newspapers etc? So much, right?]

[So, there must be lots to write about! Cheers! ]


[Healthy foods may be more available with gov subsidies, still people may choose bad diets!!] [This realization swings me to the other unpalatable but more practical option.]


government should subsidise green growers and traders

1 support money from authorities encourage farmers to grow more healthy fruit and vegetables.

2. This increases availability of healthier products, which in turn have positive effect on food prices.

3. For example, government funding on cauliflowers  and cabbage across the county of Lincolnshire helps lower the retail prices compared to those of other counties within the UK.

4. Financial support to green growers to upgrade their traditional farms to modern farming where they can effectively use fertilisers, pesticides and machines.

5. If farmers can grow healthy fruits and vegetables with less cost [CORRECTED here], they can set their selling price low which further promote affordability

6. Government should help healthy growers through mass/ bulk purchase orders straight from the farms, preventing the greedy traders to manipulate the prices along the supply and distribution chains

7. the other effective way is to help schools and poor families with green vouchers. By using those vouchers at participating sellers, customers could buy healthy greens with much cheaper prices while sellers can also reimburse the discounted money from the state. This type of scheme makes healthy greens accessible and affordable to schoolchildren and families in need.

7. I believe that government funded projects could be the main answer to keep the healthy food prices down.

government should tax unhealthy products to make healthy foods cheaper

1. People think that if companies need to pay taxes for unhealthy products, retail prices of those products would inevitably increase.

2. this makes healthy products relatively cheaper than unhealthy foods. And  as a result, people tend to choose more of healthy ones

3. By receiving taxes, governments can support more to green growers

4. Popularity of unhealthy foods would invariably reduce as there will be extra money added to the original cost of a product. For example, taxable cakes and muffins are much more expensive than healthy apples

4. Unhealthy foods have a huge burden on health system. That is why, government should collect tax them . This is the same principle why petrol is taxed as petrol cause environmental pollution

4. Tax money can be used in further development of transport infrastructure which is essential for smooth transportation  across the countries. This may also help to cut down trade prices

5.There is a close link between government tax system and food prices.

6. to pay taxes on products which have detrimental effects on health might be an effective solution to maintain a comparatively lower prices for healthy products as people always looks for the price differences between products rather than health benefits.




[I hate punishment in general, even the ones meted out to bad folks. But here, supply-side "nudges" are unlikely to work. Can we make green food more POPULAR, APPETIZING? If not, the more workable option is taxing unhealthy foods. ]



[My advice is extremely CUSTOMIZED. What I tell you is good only for you, only for now. (1) Your English is good. Just avoid careless mistakes, or check/edit your work in real exams. Thus, I am sure that if you have an idea, you can write it out well. (2) You also seem to have good knowledge.

Thus, I emphasize only "getting ideas" with you. Please be understanding: I don't teach/treat people the same way all the time. ;-)

]



IELTS/ Task2
"The number of companies that are selling their products across the countries is increasing. Does this phenomenon have more advantages or disadvantages ?"

Disadvantages: 

1.financial threats to local businesses 

Foreign companies spend more money on advertising, sales and marketing

Eg, coca cola over locally produced soft drinks

2. Loss of traditional skills due to availability of ready made goods

Advantages

1. Employment opportunities 

2. Training opportunities 

3. Companies pay Taxes to be used in essential services

4. Competitive pricing

4. Improve Quality of life through famous luxury brands

It is true that a growing number of international trading companies have expanded their businesses around the globe in this modern world.  Although this trend is associated with some drawbacks, many believe that benefits of such global trade far outweigh its shortcomings.

On the one hand, increasing popularity of international trade causes several disadvantages to local businesses in many ways. Firstly, there could be a financial risk for small companies in a host country. As international Giants can invest more money in sales, marketing and advertising campaigns than domestic companies, local people tend to buy more of foreign products than locally produced ones which might even lead to a bankruptcy and disappearance of family-run businesses. For example, many tend to choose coca cola rather than local soft drinks in many countries. Secondly, some nationalists argue that traditional skills such as weaving, pottery making and cookery skills could also be lost due to increasing availability of  innovative, convenient and attractive products from other countries.

On the other hand, the rising number of companies that generate sales between nations offers many benefits, particularly to a host country. One main advantage is that these new businesses invariably create employment opportunities for resident workers. Both young graduates and experienced adults could obtain valuable job experience and trainings which could further improve their employability elsewhere around the world.Another positive point of this open market economy is that governments can collect  taxes from foreign companies which can effectively  be used in provision of essential public services. In addition, competition between various companies sometimes benefits to consumers in terms of better price, greater quality products and more reliable after-sale services. 

In conclusion, there could be some negative outlooks to the growing  number of international companies, however, this change is undeniably associated with numerous positive impacts on local people.

[
I can improve this in 2 ways. How do you want me to do it?
First, I can improve it in terms of ideas.  Then it will be MY IDEAS, MY ESSAY. Not yours. To do it yourself, you should learn some thinking tricks. eg.

1. When trade spreads, civilization+ business practices + technology + knowledge spread too.
2. Such spread is good for mankind as a whole. But not always good for nation state as there will be winners and losers. We don't have World Government. When Nation A becomes poor and dependent, Nation A's Government and people suffer, not the whole mankind.
3. Thus protectionism is natural and forgivable.
4. BUT protectionism has a short expiration date. A nation cannot practise it for ever.  E.g. for how long can Singapore/Myanmar wait before producing their own drugs and medicines, rifles and tanks, etc?

Second, I can improve it in terms of language and very very small thinking tricks. Here I don't use my reading/experience / knowledge. I stick to the student's major outline, but add very small details and improve the language. Just a small example:

your 1st para = " It is true that a growing number of international trading companies have expanded their businesses around the globe in this modern world.  Although this trend is associated with some drawbacks, many believe that benefits of such global trade far outweigh its shortcomings. "

Mine = "A growing number of international trading companies have expanded their businesses around the globe in this modern world. We can get Coke and Pepsi, Toyota and BMX, Lenovo and Samsung in any country on the globe. This trend bring loads of benefits to the host populations such as better prices, better product quality and innovative products. At the same time, this tends pose some serious threats to them as well, such as unemployment, loss of income and declining living standards. "

There are no ends to mind tricks. We/you need to do just  a few ;-)
]

Denial vs Reframing -- Part 2

King Henry of Shakespeare's "Henry V" play, must be an expert either in denial or in reframing. No matter how bad a situation, he saw something good in it. He would even insist that he would be disappointed if the situation changed into something some other character wished for.

Normally, if we pay court to a girl with a foreign tongue, we would wish either that we speak her language better or that she speaks our language better. King Henry is way different from the rest of us. He's always glad with the way things are, right at any moment. He accepted any situation as it was and found his way forward from there.

This is Act 5, Scene 2 of the play.

KATHERINE

Ô bon Dieu! Les langues des hommes sont pleines de tromperies.

KING HENRY

What says she, fair one? That the tongues of men are full of deceits? 

ALICE

Oui, dat de tongues of de mans is be full of deceits; dat is de princess. 

KING HENRY

The princess is the better Englishwoman.—I' faith, Kate, my wooing is fit for thy understanding. I am glad thou canst speak no better English, for if thou couldst, thou wouldst find me such a plain king that thou wouldst think I had sold my farm to buy my crown. I know no ways to mince it in love, but directly to say, “I love you.” Then if you urge me farther than to say, “Do you, in faith?” I wear out my suit. Give me your answer, i' faith, do; and so clap hands and a bargain. How say you, lady?

EssayKKN too specializes in teaching reframing and undaunted spirit to young and mature students alike.

Denial vs Reframing -- Part 1

In Henry V | Act 3, Scene 6, the English king's army was vastly outnumbered and the French ambassador was even demanding ransom from the king. The Duke of Gloucester could not help voicing his fear-driven wishes and hopes.

In these lines, King Henry spoke like US Civil War General USS Grant, reframing a desperate situation into something more encouraging.
.

KING HENRY:

Go bid thy master well advise himself:

If we may pass, we will; if we be hindered,

We shall your tawny ground with your red blood

Discolor. And so, Montjoy, fare you well.

The sum of all our answer is but this:

We would not seek a battle as we are,

Nor, as we are, we say we will not shun it.

So tell your master.

MONTJOY

I shall deliver so. Thanks to your Highness.

GLOUCESTER

I hope they will not come upon us now.

KING HENRY

We are in God’s hand, brother, not in theirs.

March to the bridge. It now draws toward night.

Beyond the river we’ll encamp ourselves,

And on tomorrow bid them march away.

EssayKKN specializes in teaching reframing and undaunted spirit to young and mature students alike.

Low-risk Aggression at EssayKKN

James Lacey and Williamson Murray's "Moment of Battle: The Twenty Clashes That Changed the World" is a great book. Their recount of Midway naval battle proves a great page-turner.

Admiral Chester W. Nimitz's directive to his subordinate, Admiral Raymond Spruance, caught our fancy in particular. The key instruction here was "calculated risk." In business terms, it means you should not spend a cent if you are not certain that you can earn back more than that cent.

The authors explain that such instruction would be rather constraining to typical commanders, but not to Spruance. They admired Spruance for his imagination, ability and discipline to be aggressive while at the same time, to incur only low risks to his own fleet.

Our team at EssayKKN derive great inspiration from these words. Can we think up and execute low-risk but aggressive and effective actions for customer acquisition? Well, let's see ...