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July 8, 2015

How We Provide Feedback at EssayKKN --- 2

"University"
University students tend to focus on one specialist subject. However, some people think that universities should encourage students a range of other subjects in addition to the specialist one.

To what extent do you agree or disagree with this?

It is sometimes argued that universities should offer a variety of additional subjects to their students rather than providing an academic excellence in one major subject. I completely agree with this view for the following reasons.

The main reason why I think students should learn multidisciplinary areas on top of their main course is that this would certainly broaden their study skills and the scope of knowledge in many ways. Firstly, learning can sometimes be boring if a student focus solely on a same core subject on a daily basis. This may undoubtedly reduce motivation and cause many distractions and unexpected failures in their course works. Secondly, basic concepts of some subjects are interconnected and this could facilitate better understanding and in depth analysis of main courses they are majoring in. Finally, the more the students learn, the greater the concentration and attention to details which could further enrich a student's ability to perform well at actual examinations. 

The other possible reason for studying other subjects along with the main university specialist subject is to improve employability in this modern competitive world. There are many graduates who [are quite hard to] cannot find suitable graduate jobs in recent years. Nowadays, many employers are looking for not only essential criteria but also for desirable qualifications in a job applicant. For example, a graduate in psychology who have additional qualifications in working with young children or special needs is more likely to secure a job than others who only have degree in psychology. That is why, I am not convinced that universities should allow their students to concentrate only on the main specialist subject of choice.

In conclusion, although some university students dedicate to their main specialties, I agree with the idea that tertiary education system should allow students to fulfil their career opportunities  through various additional courses in parallel to specialist subjects.

[Students with a plan/outline also change their minds. But then it means new ideas are better , stronger that the ideas in their original plan. So it's important to have a plan first. Then we can ignore it profitably. ]

[Next time, please also include your outline, eg.
  1. broaden study skills and scope of knowledge
  2. interconnected and depth
  3. exam performance
  4. better chance to get jobs
... ]
Thank you.




IELTS/Academic
"Competing for the same job" Nowadays, more and more older people are competing with younger people for the same jobs. What problems are caused by this situation and what are the solutions?

In recent years, elderly people are increasingly likely to compete with younger generations in the job market. This trend could cause some negative consequences, but there are steps to mitigate these problems by the government and employers. [Here, you should outline the problems and the solutions.]

As both older and younger people are trying for the same post in the work place, several related problems can be anticipated [What are they? This is the Body, no intro, just go straight.]. The serious problem is that there would undoubtedly be increasing unemployment rate and its consequences [This is not a zero-sum game. We can expand the pie for all, both young and old alike. Number of jobs is not fixed. This number is limited ONLY by a society's imagination and drive.]. Some employers might prefer to employ people who are well experienced and who have good decision making and problem solving skills, and there is no doubt that younger people are less likely to get the jobs in such workplaces. In other workplaces, managers do not want to employ elderly people who have lack of modern technological knowledge, which is vital for today’s job market. [Old folks have their own advantages and so do young folks. Employers who have fixed preferences are dumb!!! Just yesterday, I read Warren Buffet: "It is hard to teach old tricks to young dogs" etc.]Consequently, there would be growing age discrimination in the work place which is unfair and also against equal rights.
 Nevertheless, there are potential ways to tackle such problems. Firstly, government should create greater job opportunities for the public. If there were many employment opportunities, people would not definitely need to compete for the jobs. [Job creation is not only the government's duty.] Secondly, government should force employers not to discriminate people according to their age because every body should have access to same employment opportunity. Finally, employers should create appropriate and necessary training opportunities for employees of any age, so that they can have the skills they need for the work place. [Only 3 solutions!??? Entrepreneurship? ]

In conclusion, various measures can be taken to solve the problems that are certain to arise due to increasing competition between older and younger generations in the work force.

(271 words)

When I advised you yesterday, I hadn't read this book. Read very short summaries here on this site.

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