Get the Powers to Act from Fresh Ideas

July 8, 2015

How We Provide Feedback at EssayKKN --- 1

"Writing Task 2 Some people believe that government should subsidies on fruit and vegetable to make healthy food cheaper. Others think that government should tax unhealthy food. Discuss both views and give your opinion."

[You are improving, great . Now I share with you the Pre-Writing Thinking Technique No . 1. ]

[The question is to choose between A and B.

A= encourage good so that it becomes easier/cheaper for people to do good.

B= punish bad so that it becomes tougher/costlier for people to do bad.

This is mankind's eternal dilemma! So, some wise guy/lady somewhere must have thought this through already. Let's be lazy and pick their brains. ]

[Usually this happens in religions. ]

[And this is not like killing. Every religion says, if you kill other humans, you will be punished this way or that. Here the person concerned is hurting themselves. What have religions said about such self-destructive behaviours, and self-nurturing behaviours? Say, having self-discipline?

How will my God/Goddess reward me if I try to keep promises to myself? How will they reward me if I keep failing is this aspect?]

[And this is about food and health. What have you read about this stuff in newspapers etc? So much, right?]

[So, there must be lots to write about! Cheers! ]

[Healthy foods may be more available with gov subsidies, still people may choose bad diets!!] [This realization swings me to the other unpalatable but more practical option.]

government should subsidise green growers and traders

1 support money from authorities encourage farmers to grow more healthy fruit and vegetables.

2. This increases availability of healthier products, which in turn have positive effect on food prices.

3. For example, government funding on cauliflowers  and cabbage across the county of Lincolnshire helps lower the retail prices compared to those of other counties within the UK.

4. Financial support to green growers to upgrade their traditional farms to modern farming where they can effectively use fertilisers, pesticides and machines.

5. If farmers can grow healthy fruits and vegetables with less cost [CORRECTED here], they can set their selling price low which further promote affordability

6. Government should help healthy growers through mass/ bulk purchase orders straight from the farms, preventing the greedy traders to manipulate the prices along the supply and distribution chains

7. the other effective way is to help schools and poor families with green vouchers. By using those vouchers at participating sellers, customers could buy healthy greens with much cheaper prices while sellers can also reimburse the discounted money from the state. This type of scheme makes healthy greens accessible and affordable to schoolchildren and families in need.

7. I believe that government funded projects could be the main answer to keep the healthy food prices down.

government should tax unhealthy products to make healthy foods cheaper

1. People think that if companies need to pay taxes for unhealthy products, retail prices of those products would inevitably increase.

2. this makes healthy products relatively cheaper than unhealthy foods. And  as a result, people tend to choose more of healthy ones

3. By receiving taxes, governments can support more to green growers

4. Popularity of unhealthy foods would invariably reduce as there will be extra money added to the original cost of a product. For example, taxable cakes and muffins are much more expensive than healthy apples

4. Unhealthy foods have a huge burden on health system. That is why, government should collect tax them . This is the same principle why petrol is taxed as petrol cause environmental pollution

4. Tax money can be used in further development of transport infrastructure which is essential for smooth transportation  across the countries. This may also help to cut down trade prices

5.There is a close link between government tax system and food prices.

6. to pay taxes on products which have detrimental effects on health might be an effective solution to maintain a comparatively lower prices for healthy products as people always looks for the price differences between products rather than health benefits.

[I hate punishment in general, even the ones meted out to bad folks. But here, supply-side "nudges" are unlikely to work. Can we make green food more POPULAR, APPETIZING? If not, the more workable option is taxing unhealthy foods. ]

[My advice is extremely CUSTOMIZED. What I tell you is good only for you, only for now. (1) Your English is good. Just avoid careless mistakes, or check/edit your work in real exams. Thus, I am sure that if you have an idea, you can write it out well. (2) You also seem to have good knowledge.

Thus, I emphasize only "getting ideas" with you. Please be understanding: I don't teach/treat people the same way all the time. ;-)


IELTS/ Task2
"The number of companies that are selling their products across the countries is increasing. Does this phenomenon have more advantages or disadvantages ?"

Disadvantages: threats to local businesses 
Foreign companies spend more money on advertising, sales and marketing
Eg, coca cola over locally produced soft drinks
2. Loss of traditional skills due to availability of ready made goods

1. Employment opportunities 
2. Training opportunities 
3. Companies pay Taxes to be used in essential services
4. Competitive pricing
4. Improve Quality of life through famous luxury brands

It is true that a growing number of international trading companies have expanded their businesses around the globe in this modern world.  Although this trend is associated with some drawbacks, many believe that benefits of such global trade far outweigh its shortcomings.

On the one hand, increasing popularity of international trade causes several disadvantages to local businesses in many ways. Firstly, there could be a financial risk for small companies in a host country. As international Giants can invest more money in sales, marketing and advertising campaigns than domestic companies, local people tend to buy more of foreign products than locally produced ones which might even lead to a bankruptcy and disappearance of family-run businesses. For example, many tend to choose coca cola rather than local soft drinks in many countries. Secondly, some nationalists argue that traditional skills such as weaving, pottery making and cookery skills could also be lost due to increasing availability of  innovative, convenient and attractive products from other countries.

On the other hand, the rising number of companies that generate sales between nations offers many benefits, particularly to a host country. One main advantage is that these new businesses invariably create employment opportunities for resident workers. Both young graduates and experienced adults could obtain valuable job experience and trainings which could further improve their employability elsewhere around the world.Another positive point of this open market economy is that governments can collect  taxes from foreign companies which can effectively  be used in provision of essential public services. In addition, competition between various companies sometimes benefits to consumers in terms of better price, greater quality products and more reliable after-sale services. 

In conclusion, there could be some negative outlooks to the growing  number of international companies, however, this change is undeniably associated with numerous positive impacts on local people.

I can improve this in 2 ways. How do you want me to do it?
First, I can improve it in terms of ideas.  Then it will be MY IDEAS, MY ESSAY. Not yours. To do it yourself, you should learn some thinking tricks. eg.
  1. When trade spreads, civilization+ business practices + technology + knowledge spread too.
  2. Such spread is good for mankind as a whole. But not always good for nation state as there will be winners and losers. We don't have World Government. When Nation A becomes poor and dependent, Nation A's Government and people suffer, not the whole mankind.
  3. Thus protectionism is natural and forgivable.
  4. BUT protectionism has a short expiration date. A nation cannot practise it for ever.  E.g. for how long can Singapore/Myanmar wait before producing their own drugs and medicines, rifles and tanks, etc?

Second, I can improve it in terms of language and very very small thinking tricks. Here I don't use my reading/experience / knowledge. I stick to the student's major outline, but add very small details and improve the language. Just a small example:

your 1st para = " It is true that a growing number of international trading companies have expanded their businesses around the globe in this modern world.  Although this trend is associated with some drawbacks, many believe that benefits of such global trade far outweigh its shortcomings. "

Mine = "A growing number of international trading companies have expanded their businesses around the globe in this modern world. We can get Coke and Pepsi, Toyota and BMX, Lenovo and Samsung in any country on the globe. This trend bring loads of benefits to the host populations such as better prices, better product quality and innovative products. At the same time, this tends pose some serious threats to them as well, such as unemployment, loss of income and declining living standards. "

There are no ends to mind tricks. We/you need to do just  a few ;-)

No comments:

Post a Comment